the facebook thing

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Someone I adore yesterday asked what was up with my facebook.

Had I unfriended them? Gone rogue? What exactly was the deal?

And the truth is that I quit that shiz. For the eighty-second time.

What can I say? She’s hard to quit. It’s the epitome of a love hate relationship.

It is highly reminiscent of every  one sided relationship I had until I met my husband (and they were alllllll one sided). I loved hard and fast. And when the feeling was no longer mutual, I would indulge my stalking tendencies. Driving by in the middle of the night to see what you were up to. It was not pretty.

And man, does it make me feel bad about myself. Look at all those people adulting, and doing it with style!

Look at their amazing vacations, homes, bodies, clothes. If that saying about comparison is true (which I am here to tell you, it is), than I was one robbed fool. It’s like high school all over again. Seeing how you rank. Deciding if you’re good enough. Ugh. It was all too much, and I find myself indulging way too much.

And the multi level marketing schemes. Oy.

If we are truly friends, and I reach out for your pushing/dealing skills AND your friendship? This is SO not directed at you. I get that we all have to make a living. And your leggings/oils/skin care/weird nail polish wrappy things are all fantastic. But sometimes? I just want to go to a space and feel like I’m not being spammed every five seconds with all the things I cannot possibly live without and also cannot afford. I work for a school district, y’all.

So. This is me. I don’t have perfect kids. I don’t have a perfect body. My skin breaks out AND I have crows feet. I can’t afford to take a vacation where I’m not sleeping on a family members couch/floor.

But it’s my life. And I made it with my two hands. And so much heart. And I want to stop beating myself up for all the things I don’t have, and start appreciating all the beautiful things that I do.

So this is sianara, facebook. At least for now.

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